HEY I”M BACK and
I JUST WANT TO FUCKING SCREAM! I CAN’T HANDLE LIFE. I FIND A GUY THAT i SUPER LIKE AND GUESS WHAT, HE DOESN’T LIKE ME IN RETURN. WTF!
my new look
you know how when people are suicidal… they think over dose, or jumping over a ledge or like simple things like that… well Im so fucked in the head I think farther… I think i should just get aids, and die a slow horrible life. men don’t like me, and boys just want to fuck me… and no one cares about how i feel or what i feel. so it seems as if Im gonna be alone forever, so i minus well have a reason… its so horrible sleeping in a bed alone for a year. my friends don’t count, and all of the random hookups don’t count either. friends are friends, and I love them. but they are going to be the one I want to raise my kids with. they are going to be the one i take home and say, “mom, grandma, this is my boyfriend.” and hookups are temp. oh they may cuddle, and kiss and all that sensual stuff but its temp. its emotionless, its heartless… and i want more… I WANT MORE. Everything in me that I have is trying not to have a break down. i hate myself and my life.
so
i met this really cute guy. well we haven’t met, he’s sort of just on my facebook. any way he’s cute. sweet and funny. the catch, he’s in a wheel chair… but I still wanna talk to him. he seems cool and sweet and like a great guy. he lives his life and still has fun regardless of his legs not work, i think i find that sexy. however…i think i just got rejected from a guy in a wheel chair, am I really that ugly?
date friday with Erik
So I’m all moved into my new room (place). Its amazing so far. Pat is an amazing landlord. Bet (roommate) is a cooky lady that I am in love with now lulz. Theresa I feel used to do drugs and is really fucked in the head, but is really cool to talk to and with. I’m happy with my choice.
And (random) I am thinking that I need to let this MattQuinn thing go. It was great while it lasted but all of these fights and this ” text message relationship” we have just isnt’ working for me. The spark that we once had we’ll never get back. We’ll constantly wonder “wtf is he doing”, when we are apart. This is too much. I think I’ve started moving on, a month ago.
small steps to happiness
I moved. Ethal & Bemis. 3 blocks from 76 (Morning Star). Small steps to happiness. :)
this is so beautiful to me.
sex
i know for sure i am 100% gay. I love the scent of a man. the physique of a man. the attitude of a man. shit i love penis (its pretty to me, no whore-mo lol) But as of late I’ve been thinking about sex with a woman, gasp! Yeah. I’ve never did it, nor did I ever have the umph too. But lately its been on my mind. I just wonder what it feels like. What’s so good about it. I know what is so good about gay sex; it feels good. But I legit wanna make love to a woman.
is it wrong that I don’t feel bad that a friends relationship BLEW up in his face. But keep in mind he did use me for sexual pleasures.
I thank God for my gifts and talents. so now I just need to put them to use.
